A Vatican conference from the comfort of your home

It isn't too often one has the opportunity to partake in a Vatican conference.  Fortunately, the event occurring right now -- the Humanum conference focusing on the complementarity of men and women -- is open to all of us.  The conference features the presentation of short films on a number of topics, followed by live witnesses and brief presentations from people of various faiths.  The short films and the presentations are available on the Humanum website and are being posted soon after they occur live in Rome.

Be sure to take a look ... and to be truly authentic, perhaps you'd like to watch with a cappuccino or gelato in hand.

No more boy or girl Happy Meals

It might seem like no big deal, but the fact that McDonald's is no longer serving boy or girl Happy Meals seems to be making a large cultural statement.  McDonald's, whatever we might think of the quality of its burgers, has become an icon of the United States, erecting its golden arches throughout the world as a is symbol of the greatness of America.  So, when McDonald's does something, we tend to listen.

Getting rid of meals that are marketed toward boys or girls says something about how our culture views gender.  It doesn't exist.  Take your pick, small fry, would you like a My Little Pony toy or a Skylander toy?  You choose.  You choose your toy.  You choose your gender.  Simple.  It's nothing more noteworthy than determining whether your whim of the day is chicken mcnuggets or a double cheeseburger.

Yes, even something so seemingly simple as McDonald's is teaching us, and in this case, teaching our children.  Yes, it's just a toy, but in this case, a little piece of plastic in a paper bag with fries is sending a big message. 

A gender-neutral menstruation app?

Say what? Apparently, a team of people has created an iPhone app to calculate one's menstrual cycle ... in a "gender-neutral" way. The creators say:

"We understand that sex and gender identity are not the same and we designed our app so it can be used by almost everyone. Mcalc is 100 percent gender neutral and it won't assume anything from your gender while using it... We all have different needs, and Mcalc can suit them accordingly."

Doesn't the fact that only half of the world's population could use a menstruation app already assume something about gender?  Do totally random people have periods, or do women have periods?  Last I heard, it was the latter.  

So, why do we need a "gender-neutral" menstruation app when gendered people who are specifically female are the only ones who menstruate?  Why do we feel a need to take out feminine pronouns or other words associated with women in order to track a woman's cycle?In an effort to promote equality are we hoping to find an artificial way to allow men to experience bleeding, cramping, mood swings, bloating and the like?  Is this app in some way meant to prepare men to experience a simulated menstrual cycle?  Or are we trying to hide the fact that men and women are different, that only women have the capacity to nurture life within their bodies, and that from the age of 12 or 14 their bodies are manifesting that fact?  Do we want to remove the pronouns so that we can pretend both men and women live and love in the exact same way?

You can't make this stuff up.  

Questions from Credo ... follow up

Last week I answered several questions from the Credo youth retreat related to same-sex attraction.  Hopefully they were helpful to you.  If you'd like to read all of those posts, you can find them here.

I also wanted to share a few sources that might be of interest if you are looking for more information.

• The Catechism of the Catholic Church on homosexuality (paragraphs 2357-2359).
• Courage -- a support group for those with same-sex attraction who desire to live chastely.
• "One Man, One Woman: A Catholic's Guide to Defending Marriage" by Dale O'Leary
• The Ruth Institute -- an organization dedicated to assisting young people in appreciating the gift of marriage. 
• Marriage: Unique for a Reason -- This website sponsored by the US Bishops includes great information about the Church's teaching on marriage, gender and same-sex attraction. 
• "Homosexuality and the Catholic Church: Clear Answers to Difficult Questions" by Fr. John Harvey
• Chastity Project -- Jason Evert's new website includes videos, talks, quotes and blog posts about chastity, same-sex attraction and related topics.

I hope that in all of the posts in the last week, you were able to see the beauty of the Church's teaching -- beautiful but difficult.  It is only because God loves us so much that we are challenged to live in a way that corresponds with the dignity God gave us.  

It's also important to remember that the Church holds two things together at all times -- the dignity of the human person, regardless of who he or she is attracted to and the understanding that same-sex actions are wrong.  It can be easy to overemphasize one or the other, but we must hold both together.  

Questions from Credo ... Can you still be a practicing Catholic?

This past weekend I presented the workshop, "Homosexuality: Always God's Children" at the Credo retreat.  We did not have time for the Q&A portion of the workshop, so the questions will be answered here during the next week or two.

Q. Can a person who openly rejects the Church teaching on homosexuality still be a proud practicing Catholic and achieve the ultimate goal of heaven?  If they are a "practicing" homosexual (commit homosexual acts)?

A. Let's begin with an important distinction.  We cannot judge people -- their heart, their intentions, etc. -- but we can judge actions externally.  For example, we know that using cocaine is objectively wrong, but we don't know why this particular person is addicted to cocaine, how the past may have fueled the addiction, how much of the decision to try cocaine was the person's or was forced, etc.  In short, we can't possibly know the culpability of this particular person.  Only God can judge the heart.  Still, no matter the degree of the individual's responsibility for using cocaine, we know that, objectively, using cocaine is wrong.

So, what about a person who openly rejects the Church's teaching on homosexuality by actively engaging in same-sex actions?  

The Church's moral teaching is not a matter of opinion.  The Church is the Body of Christ, and Jesus Christ is the head.  You can't separate the head from the body.  Likewise, the Church is the Bride of Christ, in a beautiful union with Jesus the Bridegroom.  She communicates to us how to love God, love others and receive God's gift of redemption and eternal life.

So, why wouldn't we want to embrace all of the Church's teachings, which have our best interest in mind?  Certainly there are reasons we struggle to accept every Church teaching -- pride, laziness, stubbornness, ignorance, etc.  We all struggle with believing or with living the fullness of the Gospel.  Otherwise, we wouldn't need Confession!  But there is a difference between the disposition of ongoing conversion, surrendering oneself to embracing the fullness of the Church's teaching and the disposition of choosing not to seek to live the Church's teaching.  

If a person openly rejects the Church's teaching on homosexuality and actively embraces a same-sex lifestyle, then it would be inappropriate to receive Holy Communion.  Why?  Because receiving the Eucharist is receiving the Body of Christ, and our "Amen" is our "Yes" to everything that the Church believes, teaches and professes.  If we obstinately persist in saying, "I'm right, the Church is wrong," then we aren't really in full communion with Jesus Christ and His Bride, the Church.  

Instead of picking and choosing what we'd like to believe and what we choose to disagree with, we are called to pray, surrender and ask for the grace to understand and love all that the Church reveals to us. 

Even within this question, there seems to be a contradiction of terms.  On the one hand, the question talks about openly rejecting Church teaching, and on the other hand talks about being a "proud practicing Catholic."  If I am proud of my faith and joyfully living it, then is there room for me to reject any part of Catholicism?  

As for the question of achieving the ultimate goal of heaven, only God can know the answer to that.  We cannot presume to judge where anyone spends their life after death.  We know that God is loving and merciful, but also that He gives us the gift of the Church to guide us to Him.

Questions from Credo ... What to say to a friend

This past weekend I presented the workshop, "Homosexuality: Always God's Children" at the Credo retreat.  We did not have time for the Q&A portion of the workshop, so the questions will be answered here during the next week or two.

Q. What would you say to someone who just came out as trans?

A. Before answering your question directly, let's look at what the Church says about our sexual identity.  *** (See paragraph at the bottom of this post for the actual citation.)  The Church tells us that every person is called to "acknowledge and accept his sexual identity."  Because our culture today tells us that our sexual identity is whatever gender we happen to "feel" like, it might seem that the Church is saying we need to embrace our gender feelings.  But, by "sexual identity," the Church is referring to our masculinity and femininity.

How do we discover our sexual identity?  From the earliest moments of our existence, our bodies, right down to our DNA are differentiated as male or female.  Some might argue that the Church puts too much emphasis on biology, basing everything about our identity, our morality and our happiness on body parts.  Instead, the Church says that our biology -- our bodies -- reveal, or make visible to us, higher truths like God, love, and who God created us to be.  The body reveals the person.  Our bodily masculinity or femininity isn't some random attribute we happen to have.  It's who we are.  And who we are, male or female, reveals something about who God is -- Love.  

On Saturday, we talked about what sexual difference/gender reveals to us:

1) My male or female body is a beautiful reminder that I was created.  I am not God.  I am a child of God.  I did not create myself.  My life is such a radical gift that there are some things I did not choose for myself -- my gender, my birthday, my name, my family, etc.  Since there is also another way of being that is different from me (male or female), I also realize that I cannot encompass the whole of reality.  

2) My male or female body is a beautiful reminder that I am called to love.  In seeing that there is another with whom I have unity ( the same gift of humanity) and difference (masculinity or femininity), I see that it is possible for me to give and to receive from another.  I am called to live "for" another.  I am then able to see that love is possible, that love is good and that love is the meaning of life.

3) My male or female body is a beautiful reminder that I am called to love fruitfully.  When I realize that I did not create myself, that I come from God, and when I realize that I can love another with whom I share a unity (humanity) and a difference (male or female), I can see that my love can be fruitful.  It can grow and be more.  It doesn't have to collapse in upon itself.  It can open me up to new experiences, new wonder, new gratitude as I watch love unfolded as something I am given and not as something I create, dominate or master.

In short, my sexual identity, which I discover in my body, is a constant reminder of who I am as a human person -- a gift from God, called to give in love, fruitfully.  So, embracing this gift of our masculinity and femininity, which is revealed in and through our bodies is key to understanding who God created us to be and what He is calling us to (ultimately, eternal communion with Him in heaven).

But back to your main question ... what should you say to a friend who is experiencing gender confusion?

First, be sure to acknowledge the long, hard struggle that gender confusion has caused in your friend's life.  Have compassion for their struggle and for the suffering that the search for identity has caused.

Ask your friend if he or she has spoken to parents, a priest, a youth minister or a counselor about the feelings of being transgendered.  If they need a good counselor to speak to, recommend one.  

Perhaps in conversations with your friend, you will have the opportunity to discuss the gift that God has given us of our body.  You might ask your friend what it means that he or she has the particular body God gave.  You might have the opportunity to share with your friend that God gave us our body for a reason.

Throughout your conversations with your friend, be compassionate about this struggle and know that there are qualified people who can give more guidance to your friend during this challenging time.


*** Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church.

224.  Faced with theories that consider gender identity as merely the cultural and social product of the interaction between the community and the individual, independent of personal sexual identity without any reference to the true meaning of sexuality, the Church does not tire of repeating her teaching: “Everyone, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept his sexual identity. Physical, moral and spiritual difference and complementarities are oriented towards the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life. The harmony of the couple and of society depends in part on the way in which the complementarities, needs and mutual support between the sexes are lived out”. According to this perspective, it is obligatory that positive law be conformed to the natural law, according to which sexual identity is indispensable, because it is the objective condition for forming a couple in marriage.

Questions from Credo ... What is gay identity?

This past weekend I presented the workshop, "Homosexuality: Always God's Children" at the Credo retreat.  We did not have time for the Q&A portion of the workshop, so the questions will be answered here during the next week or two.

Q. Could you explain gay identity more please?  Is that those who embrace and act on it?

A. During Saturday's workshop, I clarified some differences within the realm of same-sex attraction.  I mentioned three "layers," which I based on the work of Mark Yarhouse, who wrote a book called, Homosexuality and the Christian.  The three tiers were:

1) Same-sex attraction: This is an experience I have of being interested in a person of the same sex.  It might only happen one time or with one particular person.

2) Homosexual orientation: This is an experience I have of being continually attracted to those of the same sex.

3) Gay identity: This is a choice I make to identify myself by my same-sex attraction.  It typically involves embracing the idea that if I do not act on my attractions, then I will not be happy.

Notice that the first two layers are experiences -- things that happen to me -- and the third, gay identity, is a choice I make.  

Typically speaking, "gay identity" involves acting on one's same-sex attraction.  It usually includes embracing some degree of the "gay lifestyle."  That might include involvement in events like "gay pride" parades that proclaim one's identity as a same-sex attracted individual.

But as we discussed on Saturday, same-sex attraction is not one's identity.  Who you are is not a "homosexual person."  Who you are is a son or daughter of God, loved into existence and called to participate in God's love eternally.  

The Church doesn't use terms like "gay" or "lesbian" because your sexual attraction is not your identity.  The Church reminds us that it is "unfounded and demeaning" to assume that someone with same-sex attraction must compulsively engage in same-sex activity.  Rather, the Church is clear that God has given every human person the gift of freedom (the ability to choose the good) and free will (the ability to choose between good or evil).  Our attractions, inclinations and desires do not dictate our actions.  Rather, we are given the gift of choosing how to respond.  

Questions from Credo ... Clarifying chastity

This past weekend I presented the workshop, "Homosexuality: Always God's Children" at the Credo retreat.  We did not have time for the Q&A portion of the workshop, so the questions will be answered here during the next week or two.

Q. So, you were talking about homosexuals staying chaste.  But chaste doesn't mean staying a virgin, it just means waiting for the right time.  So is gay sex okay?

A. Before answering, it's important to clarify something in your question.  You're right that chastity isn't necessarily the same thing as virginity, but chastity is more than "waiting for the right time."  The only "right time" is marriage.  That's not to be legalistic or to choose an arbitrary life event.  Rather, marriage is the only proper place to engage in the sexual act because it's the only place where we have fully given and committed ourselves for life to another person.  And what does love want to say?  I give myself totally and forever.  The sexual act expresses this type of love through the body -- total and forever.   

Let's review for a moment the purpose of marriage.  It's not to have fun, get help with the chores, have a guaranteed nightly sleepover, enjoy a Pinterest-y wedding or even to celebrate the right to be with the one you love.  Rather, marriage is a vocation.  It's a call from God and an opportunity to grow in holiness, to learn to love and to be loved, so that we can love and be loved eternally by God.

Marriage is also prophetic.  From the beginning, when God instituted marriage by creating Adam and Eve for each other, marriage has been a sign of God's love for His people, of Christ's love for the Church.  Marriage, then is a great blessing, but also a task and a responsibility.  It is marked by two things.

1) Faithfulness: God's love for us is never-ending.  A married couple in imaging this love is called to unite "until death do us part."  They are called to give a total gift of self to each other.  Total, of course, means everything and always.

2) Fruitfulness: God's love is fruitful.  It is always life-giving, pouring out an over-abundance of love.  Married love is called to be fruitful too.  Concretely, we see this in the birth of a child, but married love is fruitful by its very nature because it shares in the love of God. 

Returning to the subject of chastity, all people are called to live chastely.  As I said on Saturday, this is good news because Bl. John Paul II once said that chastity is the sure way to happiness!

Chastity is not allowing sex to control or to dominate us, but rather frees sexual desires from selfishness, and instead, through self-mastery allows our sexuality to communicate authentic love.  This is done in different ways, depending on one's state in life.

1) For married people, this involves allowing sex to communicate the total and life-giving love that the couple vowed at their wedding.  It involves not using one's spouse as an object for pleasure, but instead frees sex to communicate authentic, life-giving love.

2) For single people and those who have made a vow of celibacy, this involves saying "no" to sexual relations as a greater "yes" to love.  It recognizes that authentic sexual love involves the body speaking the language of total and forever -- something that can only be truthfully said in marriage.  This is the type of chastity a person with same-sex attraction is called to live.

Since the only place to authentically communicate the language of the body expressed in the sexual act is in marriage, and because marriage requires the sexual difference of man and woman, two people of the same sex cannot truly marry.  Sexual activity between two people of the same sex can never be affirmed by the Church because these actions do not represent the fullness of the meaning of our sexuality.  As I've said before, same-sex attraction is certainly a heavy cross to carry, but we can be certain that God and the Church desire our true happiness.

As the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith summarized for those with same-sex attraction who desire to follow God's plan: "Fundamentally, they are called to enact the will of God in their life by joining whatever sufferings and difficulties they experience in virtue of their condition to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross.  That Cross, for the believer, is a fruitful sacrifice since from that death come life and redemption.  While any call to carry the cross or to understand a Christian's suffering in this way will predictably be met with bitter ridicule by some, it should be remembered that this is the way to eternal life for all who follow Christ" ("Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons" #12). 

Questions from Credo ... What's the difference between an attraction and an action?

This past weekend I presented the workshop, "Homosexuality: Always God's Children" at the Credo retreat.  We did not have time for the Q&A portion of the workshop, so the questions will be answered here during the next week or two.

Q. So, it's okay for a person with homosexual tendencies to like people of the same sex, but not for them to act on it?

A. This is a great question that involves making some important distinctions.  We talked on Saturday about the Catechism of the Catholic Church, which says that homosexual actions are "intrinsically disordered."  In discussing that paragraph of the Catechism (2357), we defined disordered.  According to dictionary.com, it means, "lack of order or regular arrangement; confusion."

Let's just review what we said about this on Saturday: Our sexual difference is about our "otherness" which allows us to see the fruitfulness of unity and difference.  Our sexuality is a reminder of our call to give of ourselves to one who is different than us, and yet shares the same gift of humanity, and to receive them.  It points to our call to be united with God, who created us in His image and likeness and yet is vastly different and "other" than us."  So, same-sex actions lack this order or purpose.  They confuse the sexual act, which is meant to be a uniting of two who have unity and difference, loving each other by willing what is good for the other, and which includes the goodness of becoming a mother or a father.  

But what about an attraction to someone of the same-sex?  Because of all that we have said about the nature of sexuality and the purpose of our masculinity and femininity, the Church says that a same-sex inclination or attraction is also "objectively disordered."  

What does that mean?  For one thing, it's very important to note that the Church is not saying that a same-sex attraction is a sin.  A same-sex action is a sin, but the attraction is not.  However, the attraction is still considered disordered because it confuses the authentic meaning of sexual attraction (as summarized above). 

Bl. John Paul II once wrote that we are not responsible for what happens to us in the realm of sexuality (having a particular desire, for example), but we are responsible for what we do in the realm of sexuality.  

A lot of your question depends on what you mean by "like" and what you mean by "okay."  There is a difference between experiencing an attraction to someone and "feeding a crush" or actively engaging in an attraction to someone.  Since same-sex attractions do not affirm the fullness of the meaning of our sexuality, it's best to strive for keeping the "liking" on the level of something that happens to me, rather than something I choose to engage, pursue or seek.

Once again, though, it's important to recognize that the Church affirms the dignity of all human persons, regardless of their sexual attraction.  Experiencing an attraction that is disordered does not demean the dignity of the person. 

Questions from Credo ... same-sex marriage vs. infertility

This past weekend I presented the workshop, "Homosexuality: Always God's Children" at the Credo retreat.  We did not have time for the Q&A portion of the workshop, so the questions will be answered here during the next week or two.

Q: By saying a same-sex marriage is ... incomplete? because they cannot be fruitful, how would you argue a man and a woman who are incapable of having a child?

A: This is a very common question and an important one to ask.  

First, let's note that if a married couple is unable to consummate their marriage through the sexual act, then they are not able to marry in the Catholic Church.  This isn't because sex is the most important aspect of marriage, but because our bodies reveal the invisible, and the sexual act expresses the free, total, faithful and fruitful love of marriage in a unique way.  A same-sex couple is incapable of consummating "marriage" with the sexual act.

A couple who is infertile, on the other hand, is still capable of the sexual act.  It is usually devastating for couples who cannot physically have children, but whether or not they are physically able to conceive does not determine the fruitfulness of their marriage.

Fruitfulness is always first spiritual.  But because our bodies speak a language and make the invisible visible, if our bodies are closed off to human life (whether through a same-sex action or through contraception), then this says something about our openness to being spiritually fruitful.

So, whether or not someone has a child, or even how many children they have, cannot indicate the spiritual fruitfulness of their marriage.  But, conversely, an incapability of engaging in the action that leads to physical fruitfulness indicates something about the couple's ability to live marital spiritual fruitfulness.  We need both unity and difference to be fruitful.  Because we are a unity of body and soul, this is expressed in and through our bodies and the sexual difference we have been given.  

Another difference is that many couples who struggle with infertility still conceive.  Perhaps it's a matter of diagnosing the main problem, of timing, of stress, etc., but many couples have waited 3, 6, 8, 10 years or more to conceive before they finally did.  For a same-sex couple, this possibility will never exist.  

Selling a message or a movie?

Last week, The Atlantic noted that an animated film set to be released in September 2014 is sending another message with its trailer.


Apparently, a children's movie about a little boy raised by trolls who live in boxes is also a great opportunity to show children that "family" can be whatever we want it to be (or more precisely, whatever your parents want it to be).  Gender doesn't matter, kids.  And if you see it on a movie trailer, then it has to be true, right, Mom?  Right?

The world is upside down

As always, Anthony Esolen has a way with words. His column, "Welcome to the Mental Ward" is an excellent depiction of the craziness of our nation and world right now.
A taste:

On the next Monday—for the lunacy outlasts the phases of the moon—we are told that a pregnant woman is, emotionally, a tender flower, who must be protected against people praying for her and her child as she enters the abortuary. On Tuesday, we are derided for being impossibly old-fashioned if we suggest that it might not be a good thing for women who are possibly pregnant to be crawling on their bellies on a battlefield, where men will be shouting things much more terrifying than the Hail Mary. On Wednesday we are told that a church’s failure to provide free contraceptives to its employees is a terrible sin against the common good. On Friday, we are told that the notion of the “common good” is trumped by the individual’s supposed right to be antisocial in matters of sex.

On Saturday, we are told that no man is an island. On Sunday, we are told that every woman is an island. On Monday, a bad man is sued to support a child conceived out of wedlock. On Tuesday, a good man is told to shut up when he sues to support his child conceived within wedlock, rather than have it aborted. On Wednesday, we complain that there are no good men to marry. On Thursday, we make sure to destroy the last institution that made for good men.

Read it all here.

Gender Bender Day for seven year olds?

No more "him" and "her" at this preschool

Well, Sweden has a gender inclusive preschool that forbids using words like "him" and "her." Instead, you can refer to "hen," which is a blend of Swedish "him" and "her."

You can stroll over to the reading corner and pick up a book about two male giraffes, who adopt an alligator egg since they can't have children of their own.

And then you can meander into the toy kitchen -- right next to the Lego's, so you know the two play areas are not mutually exclusive. Rather than fight over who gets to be the mother, multiple mothers in the same family can be involved at one time. (Side note: If we can't say "him" and "her," then why can we say "mother"?)

It's all in the name of casting off gender in order to allow the children "to be who they are meant to be."

Please tell me it won't get any crazier.

Read more here.

"Courtship: A Journey Toward the Love that Moves the Stars"

I highly recommend reading the opening remarks from a colloquium held at the John Paul II Institute in 2009. My professor Dr. Margaret McCarthy offers some thought-provoking analysis of authentic courtship vs. today's general view of dating and relationships.

For example:

The first theme concerns what life is for, where it is going. Implicit in the idea of courtship is the (almost imperceptible) idea that human life has been placed on a path (an “Odyssey”) that is going somewhere. And that where it is going is something to be “stepped into.” There is nothing about it that is simply “made to order,” in the manner of improvised make-it-up-as-you-go tour (“walk-about”). Indeed neither the being on the path nor the nature of the destination are simply “choices.” Its terms are given, even if, then, consent will be asked, and even required!

And that requirement of consent indicates another factor, and that is that the “being put on the path” is not a forced march toward bondage, but a liberating journey—an adventure—toward an awaiting presence, love, a home (Ithaca).
In the absence of courtship we are not given an alternate path, but rather a kind of aimless wandering—a kind of vagabondage. If there was the idea of a “ladder” with courtship, there is now the idea of a “cyclical relationship system,” serial relationships, which may or may not lead anywhere (Barbara Dafoe Whitehead). This new generation has been called by David Brooks the “Odyssey Generation,” because there is now no longer an idea of growing up into an adulthood defined as getting a job, finding a mate, and having children. Significantly, it is an Odyssey Generation because it is on an adventure and on an adventure because it avoids bonds. For this generation, if there were an Ithaca, there could by definition be no odyssey, no adventure.

And:

Implied in the courtship idea is that the most fulfilling things (at the end of the path) are had through the taking of a risk.11 Happiness and joy are associated with engaging oneself whole and entire with the life of another (Another), and into the mystery of another who is beyond one‟s grasp. One looks forward to, and eventually consents to, a future which is “in the hands of another,” not a “life goal” achieved through the discipline of time-management skills.
On the contrary, in the post-courtship world it is almost impossible to think of such risk as anything but “unsafe.” One must in the very movement toward the other already prepare for separation. “The energies people should use in the common enterprise are exhausted in preparation for independence”12 with conditional attachments and “pre-nuptial arrangements.” And this, again, as Bloom suggests, is not a mere moral failure. It exists on account of the fact of separation assuming, that is, an anthropology of the whole and self-sufficient individual (of “social solitaries”) in which “one cannot risk interdependence. Imagination compels everyone to look forward to the day of separation in order to see how he will do.”13

Also:

If indeed there is this coincidence between “being in want of a wife” (or of a husband) and the desire for God, then we have much more than a moral problem on our hands. Absent a desire for the eternal—and the perception that it is the depth of the world, of this woman and of this man—there can be no love, only “relationships.”18

Read it all here.

Gender confusion ... for fourth graders?

Gender confusion is abounding these days. I keep coming across stories about children whose parents raise them "without" gender, or who give their sons pink, sparkly dresses to twirl around in, or who encourage shedding the "enslaving" stereotypes of boys and girls.

And now there's this:



Isn't it just heartbreaking to see these beautiful, innocent, wide-eyed, confused but listening nine-year-olds? When in the world did we begin to think it's a good time to come into a public school and "celebrate diversity" by telling the students that they can be anything they want? Not that they can be an astronaut or a doctor or an explorer, but that they can be a boy, or a girl, or a boy and a girl, and can create their ideal gender style, just like they can choose their ideal career choice.

Gender matters. We seem to have forgotten that. We seem to think we can determine sex/gender by how we feel. And gender isn't something that's reduced to pink, sparkly dresses or playing with toy trucks. Gender is about masculinity and femininity, about different modes of giving and receiving (and we both do both, but differently), about being created with absolute dignity but not "sameness," about a difference that matters.

Gender is a beautiful reminder that I am not God, that I cannot encompass the whole of reality, that I cannot be everything ... there is always someone different from me, "other" than me. And that difference and "otherness" is good. And it reminds me that I did not create myself, nor did I create the "other." I was created. I am a child. My life has been given.

Gender is a beautiful reminder that I am called to love. In seeing that there is another with whom I have unity (same gift of humanity) and difference (gender), I see that it is possible for me to give to another and to receive from another. I begin to see that love is possible, that it is good and that it is the meaning of life.

Gender is a beautiful reminder that I am called to love fruitfully. When I realize that I did not create myself, that I come from God, and when I realize that I can love another with whom I share a unity and a difference, I can see that my love can be fruitful. It can grow and be more. It doesn't have to collapse in upon itself. It can open me up to new experiences, new wonder, new gratitude as I watch love unfolded as something I am given and not as something I create, dominate or master.

So, why do we think it's a good idea to march into classrooms, and onto national television shows and into newspapers and tell children, tell parents, tell the world that we don't need a reminder that our life is a gift? In fact, we don't want a reminder that life is a gift, thank you very much. We'd prefer to take out the mystery, take out the wonder, take out the gratitude, take out the fact that we did not create ourselves. And this is supposed to lead to happiness and freedom?

It's no wonder that as I watch the fourth graders on the video clip above, I have to reach for the tissue box.