A "yes" to the dress is a yes to what?

A friend sent me this blog post, "How Wedding Dresses Transform Women." It's not from a Catholic blog, nor is it from an authentic femininity-minded magazine. It's from the often-inappropriate Huffington Post.

So, it's a bit of a surprise to read such a beautiful depiction of one woman's experience with brides-to-be. She begins with women who are merely going through the motions, who would like to just wear a white pant suit, slip on the ring, ready to return to business executive life as usual.

But the author has noticed something fascinating:

I am always amazed by these women! I usually respond that I have no pantsuits available, and that they should try a narrow and simple dress. I am not sure how this happens but when a woman tries on my dresses, she is immediately transfigured. It may be due to the whiteness of the fabric, or the definition of her body through the silhouette of the dress, and the natural flow of the expensive silk brushing against her legs as she moves. She tries her first dress on and is shocked by her own beauty. She begins to trust me. I suggest the same shape in lace, and she marvels at how skinny she looks and wonders at the many years she has professionally hidden herself in cashmere and heavy black tights. Bit by bit we inch our way into curiously trying on larger dresses and in one courageous statement she squeaks, "Can we try a veil?" The moment a veil is placed on her head she begins to cry, and then to sob.

It is the abandoned dream and vision of herself that was once forgotten somewhere between the divorce of her parents, high school exams, and her first broken heart. It is the internal struggle of regrets versus survival and that suddenly in the mirror a vision of herself looking like she is in love, and looking like she is vulnerable, and even giddy with joy makes her uncomfortable. It is a woman that she does not know. It is the woman she used to be, even as a little girl.

As a child, she would dream of being in love. Images from Disney movies, ballet, music, and TV convinced her some gallant man would profess his indisputable love for her and then confirm his aching desire to spend eternity with her in a perfect wedding.

I think that these thoughts are quite typical of young girls. They dream of being coveted, and they dream of being a princess. As little girls become teens and young women, often their princess fantasies are stamped out and substituted by professional protocol, and corporate culture. They have to fight for themselves to get ahead and protect themselves. They are taught not to rely on others, especially men. Reality and dashed expectations have given them a somewhat hard edge.

It's amazing to listen to the experience of designer Justina McCaffery in her wedding dress consultations. Is there any other piece of clothing that can evoke such a powerful surge of memories, dreams, hopes and ideals? Read the rest of the story here.

Pope Benedict XVI: Married love and the Sacred Heart

I'm so glad to know that my JPII Institute friends who were just married over the weekend were present for this General Audience with Pope Benedict XVI! From ZENIT:

VATICAN CITY, JUNE 1, 2011 (Zenit.org).- Benedict XVI today noted the
beginning of the month dedicated to the Sacred Heart and encouraged married
couples to make their love a witness to God's love.

The Pope offered this invitation during the traditional conclusion to the Wednesday general audience, when he greeted youth, the sick and newlyweds.

Married couples within the first two months of their marriage are invited to special seating at the audience and many attend in their wedding garments.

Referring to the beginning of June, the month dedicated to the Sacred Heart, the Bishop of Rome exhorted: "Let us often pause to contemplate this profound mystery of divine Love."

He invited youth to enter the "school of the Heart of Christ" in order to "learn to assume with serenity the responsibilities that await you."

"May you, dear sick, find in this infinite fount of mercy the courage and patience to fulfill God's will in every situation," the Holy Father said.

And he told newlyweds: "Remain faithful to the love of God, and may you witness to it by your married love."

It's that time of year ...

It's Wednesday. We all know it as the middle of the week. But in this particular week, I find myself in between an ordination and a wedding. Last Saturday, I was sitting at the cathedral in Cincinnati, witnessing the ordination of three new priests. On this coming Saturday, I will be sitting at a parish outside of the nation's capital, witnessing the marriage of two friends and fellow graduate school alumni.

'Tis the season for ordinations and weddings, yet having these two events within one week of each other highlights their complementarity. We often think of priesthood and religious life as the only path to holiness, and marriage as the path for those who aren't selfless enough to give their entire being to God. But both priesthood/religious life and marriage are paths to holiness. Both are invitations to give of oneself -- totally and forever -- to God. Both are concrete manifestations of our universal vocation to love.

And how often do we sit in the pew at a wedding or at an ordination and ponder the incredible gift of witnessing these irrevocable vows to reflect God's love to the world? We are present in a moment that is the height of receiving one's life as a gift from God and responding with the gift of oneself. And if it's true that "man cannot find himself except in a sincere gift of self" (Gaudium et Spes #24), then we are witnessing a moment of profound self-realization before God and others.

So as we survey the landscape of the middle of the week, I'm grateful to have the opportunity to contemplate the gift of those whose lives -- either by their vows of obedience and celibacy (and poverty, if in the religious life) or by their vows of "till death do us part" -- are reflecting God's total and forever love for us. Thank God for the gift of priesthood, religious life and marriage, and the ways in which they complement one another in revealing the incredible love God has for us as our origin and destiny.

"Bridalplasty"

Just when you think quite possibly you've heard it all, you come across an article about the new show, "Bridalplasty." Yes, that's right, it's time to mix reality television bridal shows and plastic surgery into one amazing opportunity for the winning bride to walk away with a "new and improved" body for her wedding day.

I suppose we are supposed to experience tremendous excitement that brides-to-be might have the unique opportunity for a surgical self-esteem boost. I mean, that's what their wedding is all about, right? Looking their artificial best.

In this interview, two of the show's creators discuss their enthusiasm about the show. Shanna Moakler says, "I work with girls – teens, and young women – and it’s such a personal choice and it’s something that I don’t think you can teach someone all the self-esteem in the world but if they have something that just bothers them they can’t get over it."

Her counterpart, Dr. Dubrow, adds, "You know, it would be nice to say what we should have to have self-confidence. But the truth is self-confidence is composed of a lot of different variables. And you may be amazing person, but always self-conscious about the bump on your nose and when you have that removed you are just a better version of yourself."

So, a better version of oneself involves a nip and tuck, a lipo and a nose job. Shanna Moakler, who says she would support her daughters getting plastic surgery when they are in their 20s, also explains that plastic surgery can change one's identity: "What was really amazing for me, as a woman, was seeing when you did do the procedures on them how it changed their whole identity. Meek girls all of a sudden had self-confidence and more personalities. They were just different women by the end of the journey."

When we identify ourselves externally -- by what we have, what clothing size we wear, what affirmation we are given -- then our identity is malleable. But that's not where our identity lies. Who we are is a gift from God -- created in love by God in order to love God and others. And somehow I don't see how a nose job can alter that identity.

The irony of the plastic surgery movement, which puts so much emphasis on the body, is that it actually disregards the body. The body becomes nothing more than an accessory -- an item, a thing, an object that we can do whatever we want to as long as it makes us "happy." The body is no longer seen as integral to my person.

Coupled with the backdrop of wedding preparations, "Bridalplasty" glaringly reminds us that our culture doesn't care about the body, and simultaneously doesn't understand the person. If beauty is "all about me," then I will never be happy. If I don't receive beauty as a gift from God to reflect His love, then I will never be satisfied. No amount of procedures will change my constant dissatisfaction.

And if our young brides-to-be are so concerned about their physical appearance matching their imaginary fantasies rather than allowing their God-given beauty to reflect God's love to their husband and to the world, then inevitably their understanding of marriage will begin to crumble as well.

Novena for couples preparing for their wedding or anniversary

This was a great find today! A novena for couples preparing for their wedding or anniversary is available from Lumen Press. While I haven't read the novena, the sample prayer includes a John Paul II quote of the day. In fact, the booklet says the novena is, "In honor of John Paul II's Theology of the Body." If you or anyone you know is preparing for marriage or a wedding anniversary, I'd encourage you to pray the novena together. It's a wonderful way to live out wedding preparation as marriage preparation.