"Hopeless romantics"

Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York always has a way with words.  He recently addressed the Knights of Columbus conference and spoke a bit about the Sacrament of Marriage.  

Let's start with the moment of humor:

It’s good to be in California; they love us here in Anaheim. Heads up, though: one of the bell boys here at the hotel did complain to me that we knights don’t tip that well. “We love these Knights of Columbus,” he said, “but, they arrive with the Ten Commandments and a ten dollar bill . . . and leave without breaking either!”

Carl, thanks for giving me the “honeymoon suite.” I was a bit surprised. Let me assure you that’s the first time that’s ever happened!

I am reminded of the story told by the Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. Seems as if he, too, was offered the “honeymoon suite” at a hotel where he was to give a talk. It was in a southern city, at that time unfamiliar with Catholics. As Archbishop Sheen was leaving his honeymoon suite for supper, the housekeeping attendant asked if she could turn down the bed, and the archbishop told her he would appreciate such service. When he returned later that evening, sure enough, the bed was turned down, and there was a mint on both pillows. On one side of the bed was the archbishop’s pajamas laid out; on the other, apparently for Mrs. Sheen, was his beautiful lace alb he wore for Mass!

Which brings me to my topic: Marriage.

Then:

We are such hopeless romantics that we contend the best way to get a hint of how God loves us now, and in eternity, is to look at how you, married couples, love one another. “The love of a man and woman is made holy in the sacrament of marriage, and becomes the mirror of your everlasting love . . . ,” chants the Preface in the Nuptial Mass.

You see why we, mostly celibates up here, look out upon you married couples with awe? We gaze out now at thousands of icons, reflections, mirrors of the way God loves us.
Now, you are, we are, the first to acknowledge that this romantic, poetic, lofty, divine lustre of marriage can at times be tarnished a bit in the day-in-day-out challenges of lifelong, life-giving, faithful love.

[...]

Tension, trial, temptation, turmoil - - they come indeed, but - - just as Jesus worked His first miracle, at the request of His blessed Mother, for a newly married couple at Cana by turning water into wine - - so does Jesus transform those choppy waters of tension, trial, temptation, and turmoil, into a vintage wine of tried-and-true-trust in marriage.

So, brother knights and wives, I thank you for being such metaphors of God’s love; and I exhort you, please, to continue, now, more than ever, to be so.

You can read the rest of Cardinal Dolan's remarks here.

And we're back!

I've always been fairly insistent that this not be a personal blog, but during my six week active blogging hiatus, I did something I've never done before ...  I got married!  So, I suppose it's time to break precedent and be a bit more personal.  

On July 7, we had a beautiful nuptial Mass on the hottest day in Cincinnati in seventy-something years.  We were incredibly blessed to have five good priest friends concelebrating the Mass.

And after our vows and ministering the Sacrament to one another, we have begun our vocation!  One month later, we continue to learn each day how to love, how to give, how to receive, and how to embrace God's plan for our lives more fully.  Thank you for your prayers, and please continue to pray for us as we grow into our married vocation.  

Oxytocin, Vasopressin and a Tale of Two Voles

I wrote this way back when for the blog I began for Pregnancy Center East.  The blog continues, passing through new hands whenever new chastity educators are hired, and so this post is still available there, but I'd like to repost it here.

Once upon a time, there was a meadow vole who was quite promiscuous in his behavior. He would mate with several voles and practically ignore his children. His cousin, the prairie vole, on the other hand, remained faithful to one female vole. So, scientists decided to give extra vasopressin (a hormone found in the prairie vole) receptors to the meadow voles, which have fewer vasopressin receptors.

"The results were remarkable. After the V1a receptor gene was introduced, the former playboys reformed their ways. Suddenly, they fixated on one female, choosing to mate with only her -- even when other females tried to tempt them," reported the BBC News.


The Role of Vasopressin

So, what does vasopressin do? And what does it have to do with humans?

The vole escapades interested scientists in researching vasopressin in humans. Although not much is known about its effects, many refer to it as the "monogamy molecule."

In an article entitled, "The Two Become One: The Role of Oxytocin and Vasopressin," Dianne S. Vadney wrote, "Essentially, vasopressin released after intercourse is significant in that it creates a desire in the male to stay with his mate, inspire a protective sense (in humans, perhaps this is what creates almost a jealous tendency) about his mate, and drives him to protect his territory and his offspring. The value of such tendencies toward the maintenance of marriage and family can easily be anticipated."

Economics professor, Jennifer Roback Morse wrote about vasopressin in her book, Smart Sex: Finding Life-Long Love in a Hook-Up World. She says that although men may have a desire to have sex with multiple women, vasopressin helps them to counteract this tendency. She writes, "The man's body tells him that having sex with a woman puts that particular woman into a new and different category. This is not merely an attractive woman: this is a woman who may give birth to his child. She is, therefore, different from other women. The sex act has changed her from a potential sex object to the potential mother of his children, with all that this implies. No matter how sophisticated we think we are, our bodies continue to respond to the sexual act in this way."

Dr. Morse adds that vasopressin causes men to be jealous toward a woman with whom he has been sexually active. It also causes him to be loyal. She gives the example of the vast majority of men who go to great lengths to provide child support for their children, even if they are not permitted to see them. "The view that most men, most of the time, have no attachment to their sex partners is a caricature, a cartoon version of reality. While it may be true that men attach to their sex partners less than women do to theirs, men are not simply looking for a sexual release, but attach to their partners somewhat differently than women attach to theirs," writes Dr. Morse.

What about oxytocin?

Oxytocin is a hormone released in both men and women. Because a response is enhanced by estrogen, women tend to have stronger reactions to oxytocin, which is "thought to be released during hugging, touching and orgasm in both sexes. In the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and may be involved in the formation of trust between people and generosity."

So, how does it effect sexual relationships? There are a couple of ways oxytocin affects us in sexual relationships that have ended.

Dr. Eric Keroack said, "Emotional pain causes our bodies to produce an elevated level of endorphins which in turn lowers the level of oxytocin. Therefore, relationship failure leads to pain which leads to elevated endorphins which leads to lower oxytocin the result of which is a lower ability to bond. Many in this increased state of emotional pain and lower oxytocin seek sex as a substitute for love which inevitably leads to another failed relationship, and so, the cycle continues."

Based on the work of Dr. Keroack, we also have this explanation:

"An interesting finding in oxytocin research is the likelihood that oxytocin inhibits the development of tolerance in the brain’s opiate receptors. The excitement of sex is partly credited to endorphins exciting opiate receptors. As a human relationship matures, fewer endorphins are released. If sexual relationships are well bonded, though, the oxytocin response maintains the excitement despite how few endorphins are released. This keeps excitement present between oxytocin-bonded couples.

"In the same way, though, these studies reveal the rationale behind an inability of some to stay bonded in seemingly good relationships. People who have misused sex to become bonded with multiple persons will diminish their oxytocin bonding within their current relationship. In the absence of oxytocin, the person will find less or no excitement. The person will, then, feel the need to move on to what looks more exciting."

In Summary

Mary Beth Bonacci has a great summary of the normal effects of oxytocin and vasopressin: Oxytocin causes a woman to be forgetful, decreases her ability to think rationally -- and causes an incredibly strong emotional attachment to form with the man she is with. Men also produce some oxytocin during sexual intercourse. But their bodies also produce a hormone called vasopressin. Vasopressin, called "the monogamy molecule," kicks in after sexual activity, and its impact is to heighten a man’s sense of responsibility. It encourages that part of him which says, "My gosh, she may be carrying my child! I’d better get serious about life! I’ve got to get to work, to provide for this family!"

Prayer for priests

Let's pray for our priests on this feast of St. John Vianney, their patron.

A PRAYER FOR PRIESTS

By the late John J Cardinal Carberry

Keep them; I pray Thee, dearest Lord.

Keep them, for they are Thine 

The priests whose lives burn out before

Thy consecrated shrine.

Keep them, for they are in the world,

Though from the world apart.

When earthly pleasures tempt, allure --

Shelter them in Thy heart.

Keep them and comfort them in hours

Of loneliness and pain,

When all their life of sacrifice

For souls seems but in vain.

Keep them and  remember, Lord,

they have no one but Thee.

Yet, they have only human hearts,

With human frailty.

Keep them as spotless as the Host,

That daily they caress;

Their every thought and word and deed,

Deign, dearest Lord, to bless.

A unique look at unborn twins through MRI

This is a fascinating video!  It's only a few seconds in length.

Quote book

"Yet this power, the grace of the Spirit, is not something we can merit or achieve, but only receive as pure gift. God’s love can only unleash its power when it is allowed to change us from within. We have to let it break through the hard crust of our indifference, our spiritual weariness, our blind conformity to the spirit of this age. Only then can we let it ignite our imagination and shape our deepest desires. That is why prayer is so important: daily prayer, private prayer in the quiet of our hearts and before the Blessed Sacrament, and liturgical prayer in the heart of the Church. Prayer is pure receptivity to God’s grace, love in action, communion with the Spirit who dwells within us, leading us, through Jesus, in the Church, to our heavenly Father. In the power of his Spirit, Jesus is always present in our hearts, quietly waiting for us to be still with him, to hear his voice, to abide in his love, and to receive “power from on high”, enabling us to be salt and light for our world." -- Pope Benedict XVI

How can men help their college campuses?